"Honi" (originally, "Kiss")

“Aka” (originally, “Tuesday”)

"Maka Le'a" (originally, "Rainy")

               Allow me to introduce you to my newest teachers, a Dachshund/Hound Mix and 2 Tabby Cats.  Some will say that we rescued them from the shelter, but that sounds far too heroic considering that they will help teach the children responsibility, bring years of companionship, tons of memories and a lot of topics for me to write about.  We simply adopted them.

              All of these name changes remind me of name changes in the Bible.  One that I recently read comes from the first chapter of Daniel.  Nebuchadnezzer, the Babylonian King, decides to take some young Hebrew boys into his kingdom and school them in Babylonian customs and theology.  What better way to impact a nation than to assimilate it’s young people? 

              The book of Daniel mentions four young men, Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah.  Let’s talk about their names for a moment, stick with me on this, it can get kind of confusing:

• Daniel whose name meant “God is my Judge,” was renamed Beltashazzar or “Bel’s prince”
• Hannaniah whose name meant “God is gracious,” was renamed Shadrach, “illumined by the Sun-god.”
• Mishael whose name meant, “Who is like God?” became Meschach, “Who is like Venus?”
• Azariah whose name meant, “God is my help,” became Abednego “servant of Nego.”

                The reason these men are mentioned in the Bible is because they quietly resisted their name change and God intervened on their behalf, showing himself great amongst the Babylonian Kings. 

                Let’s look at some of the names God changed:

• In Genesis 17: 5, Abram (multitude) becomes Abraham (Father of a multitude)
• In Genesis 17: 15, Sarai became Sarah, both mean “princess,” but she received her name change when she went from being barren to being fruitful.
• Genesis 32: 28, Jacob (supplanter) becomes Israel (persevered with God) after wrestling with God through the night.
• In John 1: 42, Simon (God heard) becomes Peter (a rock) after being chosen as one of the twelve disciples.
• In Acts 13: 9, Saul (asked for) becomes Paul (small, humble) after going from persecutor to persecuted.

               I don’t know about you, but I like God’s name changes much better than Nebuchadnezzer’s.  His name changes did not necessarily go from a bad name to a better name or vice versa, His name change simply indicated that there was an accompanying life change that needed to be marked and remembered.

                These days it is unlikely that we will undergo a complete change of our names, but God changes the way we live and the way we think about ourselves.  Let’s revisit my new pets for a moment.  Each arrived at the shelter under a certain status.  Honi was noted as “surrendered,” meaning the owner of her mother surrendered the litter to the shelter.  Aka was noted as “stray,” meaning that he had no owner and was turned in by a worker or someone passing by.  Sadly, Maka Le’a was noted as “trapped,” meaning she was caught in one of the cages they set out in an area with a large feral cat population in an attempt to reduce it. 

                As I stated in the beginning, Maka Le’a will likely be my best teacher.  For the first four days in our family, she acted like a cat who had been “trapped.”  She was fearful, anxious, mistrusting, she jumped at every little sound and ran and hid whenever we approached.  It took several days of sitting near her without reaching for her to get her to trust me.  That is another story in itself.  For now, the point I am trying to make is that we come to God wearing these statuses like names, perhaps like the pets we have been “surrendered”—unwanted and unloved, maybe we have “stray”ed away from God and the things of God or maybe we are “trapped” in a life of sin.

               There is an old song that is engrained in my mind from when I was in college, it is called “I Will Change Your Name,” and it is written by D. J. Butler.  The words are as follows:

I will change your name, You shall no longer be called

Wounded, Outcast, Lonely or Afraid,

I will change your name, your new name shall be,

Confidence, Joyfulness, Overcoming One

Faithfulness, Friend of God, One who seeks my face.

               That song reminds me that I no longer have to live as wounded, outcast, lonely, afraid, or by any other name the world has placed on me.  I am free to live in confidence, joyfulness, faithfulness, as one who has overcome.  I am called a friend of God.  I am called the “one who seeks His face.”

                No matter what status or name the world has placed on us, God desires to change those names to names appropriate for members of His family.   After all, He has rescued and adopted each one of us as His own.  What new name has God given you?  Are you living by that name, or are you still hanging on to your old name? 

The nations will see your vindication, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow. You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.  No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the LORD will take delight in you, and your land will be married.  As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.  Isaiah 62: 2-5, NIV

Declare it!  I would like to challenge you to declare one of the new names God has given you to a friend or accountability partner, here in the comments section or on your social network page—“I am no longer_____________, I am __________________________.”

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     Isn’t that the truth?  A worm caught outside the safety of the dirt when the sun peeks over the horizon is in for no good.  It will either be eaten by birds or reptiles, picked up and tortured by curious little boys, trampled under foot or tire, or dried out by the morning heat.  I was no longer gloating over being an “early bird,” but I was now humbled at the reality that I am often and “early worm.”

     What do I mean by that?   Well, have you ever found yourself outside of the safety of God’s annointing?  The Bible gives us countless examples of leaders and even entire groups of people who found themselves in this predicament by either 1)  jumping in too early, 2)  too late or 3)  doing something other than what God was asking them to do.

     The Israelites that wandered in the wilderness for forty years are a prime example.  God set the promised land before them.  It looked so good, but it was occupied by people that the spies described as giants.  Their faith wavered and instead of going into battle with God’s anointing, they stood around complaining and insisting it was better to be slaves in Egypt.  God hears their complaining and withdraws his anointing, telling Moses to warn the people not to go into battle because He would not fight for them.  We pick up there story in Numbers 14: 39-45, NLT:

³⁹ When Moses reported the Lord’s words to all the Israelites, the people were filled with grief. ⁴⁰ Then they got up early the next morning and went to the top of the range of hills. “Let’s go,” they said. “We realize that we have sinned, but now we are ready to enter the land the Lord has promised us.”

⁴¹ But Moses said, “Why are you now disobeying the Lord’s orders to return to the wilderness? It won’t work. ⁴² Do not go up into the land now. You will only be crushed by your enemies because the Lord is not with you. ⁴³When you face the Amalekites and Canaanites in battle, you will be slaughtered. The Lord will abandon you because you have abandoned the Lord.”

⁴⁴ But the people defiantly pushed ahead toward the hill country, even though neither Moses nor the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant left the camp. ⁴⁵Then the Amalekites and the Canaanites who lived in those hills came down and attacked them and chased them back as far as Hormah.

     The Israelites did all three things.  First, they jumped in too late.  Instead of going when God was with them, they allowed fear and their own limitations to delay them.  Second, they did something other than what God was asking them to do.  Instead of moving forward into the promised land, they looked back and desired slavery in Egypt.  Third, they jumped in too early.  When they finally realized the error of their ways, they decided to jump in to battle.  As we read in the verse above, this was disastrous and all because they were outside of God’s anointing.

     Every day on my way to work I have to cross a four way stop.  Depending on whether its my turn to drive the kids to school, I cross the intersection at different times and coming from different directions.  On my carpool days the four way is very busy, fortunately for me it is busy in the opposite direction and cars are backed up the hill for miles.  When I’m not driving the car pool, I head to work about 20 minutes earlier and approach the stop from another direction.  One day last week I was in awe at how few cars were coming down the hill.  It was this moment that reminded me that timing is so important.  A few minutes can make a huge difference in the traffic.

     Timing is important in our walk with Christ too.  Don’t be an early worm.  When God says go, we need to step out in obedience.  The consequences of going ahead of God, delaying or disobeying are not always as severe as that of the Israelites, but who knows what kind of blessings we are missing because we chose to do it our way or only partially God’s way instead of all His way?

And the Lord our God commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear him so he can continue to bless us and preserve our lives, as he has done to this day.  Deuteronomy 6:24, NLT

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.  Ecclesiastes 3:1

                With all of these rivalries in mind, it should come as no surprise to me that sibling rivalry exists in my home.  While it has had a subtle presence since the birth of our second son, it is usually manageable and accepted as normal.  However, a few weeks ago, it got so intense that it broke my heart as a parent.

                We have good boys.  They both do well in school and in their extra-curricular activities.  As parents, Mike and I try to celebrate each one, to speak love and encouragement to them in terms they understand and to spend quality time with both of them.    We do this so that they will be secure in who God made them to be and we do it in the hopes that they will learn to be happy for each other.

                A couple of weeks ago, this was not the case.  One son was being honored for something at school and the other could not bring himself to be happy for him.  There were a lot of “put downs” and “talk overs”.  The situation really broke my heart.  In part because I felt like I could not properly celebrate for the one because of the behavioral issues I was having to handle with the other and partly because it pained me to see how envy had overtaken my child’s heart and now directed his actions.

                I don’t share this story so that you can think terribly of my son.  In fact, if that is the conclusion you have come to, then you actually think terribly of me.  You see, my son is a reflection of me.  No, not the one that was being honored, but the one that was acting out of envy, hurt and insecurity.  Watching him go through this was like looking into a mirror and seeing myself.  I wonder how many times God has looked upon me with a broken heart because I could not be happy for the blessing He bestowed on another child of His. 

I would venture to say that I am not alone.  To fail to admit that each one of us has not felt a pang of jealousy over someone else’s blessings at some time or another in our lives would be a magnificent lie.  It is has been a part of the human condition since the Garden of Eden when Adam & Eve, the very first parents, chose to eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  It is a product of living in a fallen world.

                As I walked this painful road with my children, I prayed for peace, humility and direction.  I prayed that God would show me how to help them overcome their rivalry and celebrate one another.  God, being who He is, brought me to this passage of scripture in my daily devotions:

“¹⁰ Not only that, but Rebekah’s children were conceived at the same time by our father Isaac. ¹¹ Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad—in order that God’s purpose in election might stand: ¹² not by works but by him who calls—she was told, “The older will serve the younger.” ¹³ Just as it is written: “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.”

¹⁴ What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! ¹⁵ For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”

¹⁶ It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.   Romans 9: 10-16, NIV

 Simply put, God will bless who He chooses to bless in the manner He chooses to bless them and in His time.  “Is God unjust?”  Not in the least.   He is merely omniscient, meaning He knows all things, including what we need to become who He created us to be.

                Take Joseph, for example, God knew exactly what needed to occur in his life for his own good and for the good of Israel.  The eleventh of twelve brothers, Joseph dreams that one day they will bow down to him.  Young and cocky, Joseph boasts of this to his family, adding fuel to the normal rivalry.  One day he visits his older brothers while they are working in the field.  With no one watching, they stage his death and sell him into slavery.  During his enslavement, Joseph proves himself to be a worthy servant, but unfortunate circumstances get him placed in jail.  Even in imprisonment he is favored.  To make a long story short, Joseph’s God-given gift of dream interpretation lands him before the Pharaoh of Egypt and Joseph is placed in charge of all of Egypt’s storehouses during a time of great famine.  Amongst those who come to buy food are his ten older brothers.  What I love most about Joseph’s story is the dramatic reconciliation.  Joseph clears the room and reveals himself to his brothers.

⁴ Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! ⁵ And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. ⁶ For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. ⁷ But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.  Genesis 45: 4-7, NIV

 “Then he threw his arms around his brother Benjamin and wept, and Benjamin embraced him, weeping. ¹⁵ And he kissed all his brothers and wept over them. Afterward his brothers talked with him.”  Genesis 45: 14-15, NIV.

                God knew exactly what needed to take place in Joseph’s life in order for him to become a man that He could use.  In the early years, his brothers’ response to him was one of mockery and envy.  Joseph could have perpetuated the rivalry, but chose to respond with humility, grace and generosity.  His actions of acceptance toward his brothers results in reconciliation and healing.   Years later, they are finally happy for him.  The relationship between them is restored. 

                Joseph’s story gives me hope, that one day my boys will be able to be happy for each other, to have a good relationship with one another and to celebrate one another’s successes.  I continue to pray that God would help me to use this time in their lives to help them work through the difficult emotions and to develop healthy responses.  Above all, I want to set a good example in my own interactions with the rest of God’s children.

                The anguish in my own heart has made me more aware of my responses to the blessings in other people’s lives.  As a result, I am able to truly and genuinely celebrate with those around me.  Honestly, it is a relief.  It is so much easier on my heart to be happy for another person than it is to be envious.  When I question God’s sovereignty and his choice to bring blessing in someone else’s life, it causes me to be discontent and bitter.  There is truth to Proverbs 14:30, NKJV, “A sound heart is life to the body, But envy is rottenness to the bones.”   However, when I accept the fact that God has mercy on whom He will have mercy and compassion on whom He will have compassion, it frees me.  It allows me to be thankful for all of the other ways God has brought blessing into my life and to be thankful for those around me.  It truly brings life to my body.

                 Let’s look back at Joseph’s story for a moment.  One of the things I really love is his father’s response, “But when they told him all the words which Joseph had said to them, and when he saw the carts which Joseph had sent to carry him, the spirit of Jacob their father revived.”  Genesis 45:27, NKJV.  The knowledge that his son was still alive and the presence of peace in his family lifted Jacob’s spirit.

                 The other day, one of my boys took a nasty spill.  Fortunately the only casualty was his video game.  He was broken hearted and as I tried to console him I reminded him what a gift it was that he was not hurt.  After a bit of wallowing, he said, “the real gift is that I’m still alive.”  A bit dramatic, but he was beginning to understand so I went with it.  “I am so glad you’re still alive, I don’t know what I would do without you,” I said.  To my surprise, his brother piped in, “I am glad you’re still alive too, I don’t know what I would do without my brother.”   

                  Ahhh, music to my heart.  That is the kind of song I want to sing to my Heavenly Father.  Sibling rivalry is far from dead, but when my children value one another it lifts my spirit.  I can only imagine what it does to God’s heart when I value those around me and rejoice in what He is doing in their lives!

“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” 2 Corinthians 13:11, NIV

To my sons, thank you for letting me learn from your lives.

To my sister, you are still the best birthday present I have ever received.

“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18, NKJV

     ”Mom, the tooth fairy only left me a dollar,” complained my nine year old.

     “How much does she usually leave you?”  I asked.

     “A dollar.”

     “Then what made you think she was going to leave you more?”

     “I put my tooth in a Tic-Tac container and there were still two Tic-Tac’s left in it, that’s worth at least two dollars!” He insisted.

     “I guess the tooth fairy can’t be bribed with Tic-Tac,” I reasoned.

     “That’s just not fair!”  He cried.

     “I have an idea,” I offered, “you can put the dollar back under your pillow and leave her a note to tell her she made a mistake.”

     “No way, then I’ll get nothing.”  Smart kid, he catches on fast.

     “Well then, be grateful that she gave you something.”  End of conversation.

     I wonder what it is that makes us think we are entitled to more.  What makes us think that we deserve more than what we’ve been given?  Why do we expect to receive so much at little or no cost to us?  Sadly, this is an attitude that permeates American Society, an attitude that I have been guilty of all too often.  I have been on the other side of this conversation many times and I can only wish I was as smart as my son.

     Just the other day my husband came home from school with my two boys.  That’s strange, I thought as I heard the truck pull in to the driveway.  I got up to greet them at the door, “Why didn’t you go to Judo?” I asked. 

     “Well, Daniel’s class was dismissed late, so I didn’t think we’d make it in time.” 

     “What?  How come they got out so late?”  I asked in a complaining tone.  He proceeded to tell me that our oldest son didn’t get to the pick-up area until 20 minutes after the school bell because their class was busy rehearsing for a play.  What he said next really put things into perspective for me.

     “A lot of people were really upset, but when I thought about it I realized how blessed we are that our children can go to school here and have these kinds of opportunities.  I really appreciate the time they invest in our kids, and the way I see it—we got 20 minutes of extra instruction for free today!”  Smart man, he has always been more level headed, understanding and gracious than I am.  Thank you, Lord, for sending him to pick-up the children that day instead of me!

     A part of what I learned this month is that instead of thinking we are entitled to more, we need to have a grateful heart for what we have been given.  A dollar is good money for a tooth and 20 minutes may seem like an inconvenience, but there is someone in all of this who is giving those 20 minutes of their time.  That very thought brings me to the second part of this lesson—on the other side of the complaining and discontent is someone who is giving the best they can in time and effort often for little or no reward. 

     I have been on both sides of the issue.  I have complained to no end about the way things have been done, often frustrated and without grace for the efforts of others.  2 Timothy 3 warns about this in verses 2-4, “ ² People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³ without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, ⁴ treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.” (NIV)  Ouch.  I really don’t want to fit in to that description.  On the other hand, I have also felt the heart wrenching disappointment of working so hard on something and finding that the recipients of my efforts were ungrateful and dissatisified.   I was feeling like this a few weeks back and I began to pray that God would help me to live by Colossians 3: 23-24, “ ²³ Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, ²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” (NIV)

     My heart is to find the middle ground.  I am praying that when I am inclined to complain, God would remind me of what it feels like to be that someone giving my best and that He will give me a heart of gratitude toward that person and show me how I can become a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem.

     In the meantime, I am reminded of Jesus and the healing of the Ten Lepers found in Luke 17: 11-18:

“¹¹ Now it happened as He went to Jerusalem that He passed through the midst of Samaria and Galilee. ¹² Then as He entered a certain village, there met Him ten men who were lepers, who stood afar off. ¹³ And they lifted up their voices and said, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!”
¹⁴ So when He saw them, He said to them, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And so it was that as they went, they were cleansed.
¹⁵ And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God, ¹⁶ and fell down on his face at His feet, giving Him thanks. And he was a Samaritan.
¹⁷ So Jesus answered and said, “Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine? ¹⁸ Were there not any found who returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?” ¹⁹ And He said to him, “Arise, go your way. Your faith has made you well.” (NKJV)

     Could it really be that only  one out of 10 came back to say “thank you” for what they had received?  After what I have witnessed in myself and others this month, this does not surprise me.  We are bent on thinking that we are entitled to the best with little or no cost to us, and we are inclined to take things for granted.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be like that anymore.  I want to be a part of that 10 percent that comes back and says “Thank You!”  I want to be a grateful recipient and a Christ-like giver.

     My challenge to you this month is this:  First, if you have been guilty of an ungrateful heart ask God for forgiveness and the strength to change.  Second, whether things turn out the way you expect it to or not, take the time to thank that person who is giving their best on the other side.  Finally, ask God to give you the heart of volunteerism.  There is so much that needs doing in His kingdom and we all make better givers than we do complainers!

 ”Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,”  Colossians 3:23, NIV

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     The adrenaline surging through my body, I made a “fight or flight” response.  Flight, I had to get out of there before he started reversing again.  Fight, I had to give him a piece of my mind.  It took only seconds, I maneuvered myself around his vehicle, paused at his window and informed him that he almost hit me, not once, but twice and I zipped past.  I have never yelled at another driver before.  As I drove away my heart started pounding and my muscles began to tremor.  A weakness came over me as reality set in.  I was irritated, angry and lacking grace!   

      It is now 4 am, the next morning.  I would really rather be asleep, but for some reason I am awake and although it is done and over with, my mind keeps straying back to that one eventful minute from the previous day.  My thoughts are mixed…”that driver shouldn’t be on the road,” “isn’t it funny that people usually flock to ice cream trucks and I was doing everything I could to get away from it!,” and the one I’ve been resisting the urge to say, “what an idiot!”  Oops, did that slip out?

     I don’t like being awake so early, but I have always believed that if I’m up at this hour and can’t fall back asleep, then God must have something to say to me.  I have never been disappointed.  I decide to read the word.

     The Word that stands out in my reading comes from Mark 8:21, NIV, “He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”  It doesn’t seem like much by itself, but when read in context, it is poignant!

     Jesus had just finished feeding the four thousand, he fed five thousand just days before.  The Pharisees questioned Him, asking Him to show them a sign.  Exasperated, He departs with his disciples in a boat.  Still bothered by the Pharisees’ request, he warns His disciples to watch out for the “yeast” of the Pharisees.  Not understanding him, they begin to wonder if he is talking about the fact that they forgot to bring bread.  This is where it gets good:

 ¹⁷ Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? ¹⁸ Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? ¹⁹ When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?” 

“Twelve,” they replied.

   ²⁰ “And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

   They answered, “Seven.”

 ²¹ He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”  Mark 8:17-21, NIV.

     Basically, Jesus is saying, “I gave you a sign, not once, but twice.  Don’t you get it?”

     Apparently, the Pharisees did not.  They were too busy looking at the wrong things to realize that Jesus had been working miracles and giving signs all along.  The “yeast” of the Pharisees is an attitude of unbelief and an inability to see the miracle that is right before our eyes.

     This morning, I hear God saying to me, “Don’t you get it?  Don’t you understand?”  When my eyes and heart are focused on the problem, I become as blind, deaf and dumb to what God is doing as those clueless Pharisees.  The yeast has done it’s job!

     I was so focused on the perceived incompetence of the other driver that I failed to see that God protected me.  Not once, but twice!  The fact that I was not hit was a miracle, a sign from heaven.  I was blessed to drive away untouched, blessed that my vehicle was unscathed and blessed to be on time to pick up my children.

     Perhaps there is a situation you are facing in which the yeast of the Pharisees have soured your attitude.  Stop, forgive and look for the miracle that God is doing in your midst.  Maybe you will find that He is blessing you, protecting you and providing for you not once, but twice!

“Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life…”  Deuteronomy 4: 9, NIV

THE FACEBOOK/TWITTER “Not Once, But Twice” CHALLENGE:

I would like to invite you to take a seven day challenge that will help you recognize, remember, declare and focus on the blessings God has placed in your life instead of all the junk stuff.  For 7 days, publish a post with the following starter to your wall:  “God has blessed me not once, but twice by…(name two ways you were blessed on that day).”  Studies show that it takes 21 days to start a new habit, so if you feel really ambitious you can do it for 21!  Focusing on what God has done in our lives guards us from developing a Pharisees heart. 

If you’re not a Facebooker or Tweeter, I welcome you to post your “Not Once, But Twice” status to this page by using the comment box below.  I truly believe that you will find that God is doing great things in your midst!

Dedicated to my small, but mighty friend, Tracey, who held back the shave ice truck, pregnant and all, and lived to tell!  Thanks for helping me to get to the point of laughter!

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               Three years ago, we ran in the same marathon.  Unlike me, she has remained committed to a lifestyle of running and staying fit.  Watching her inspires me and reminds me of what I am able to do if I discipline myself.  It motivates me to lace up my shoes and hit the pavement. 

               A few weeks back I tried to run with her, but her pace is a lot faster than mine and after ½ a mile I had to let her go on without me.  I am still grateful that she got me out of the parking lot and out running again. 

              This time I knew better than to hold her up so I pretty much said, “hello, see you later.”  The only problem with that is that she was just far enough ahead of me that my plan to rest at the crosswalks went out the window.  Stacie would reach the intersection ahead of me, press the button and cross at the beginning of the signal and I would catch the tail end in just enough time to cross before the light changed.  The first time I thought, “Okay, I can go one more block.”  The second time I thought, “So much for a light run,” and by the third time all I could do was laugh.

              I got to my turning point and headed back, this time resting at the intersections and enjoying every moment before Stacie passed me again and that luxury eluded me.  She never did.  It turns out she circled around on another street while I did what runners call an “out and back.”

             On the way back I had settled into a good pace and my body became accustomed to the demands I was placing on it.  I no longer had to focus so much on the effort I was putting out and my mind began to wander to some of the situations I was facing.  I had been feeling bogged down by some of my social interactions and I remember thinking to myself, “this feels like high school all over again.”  I had been feeling a little uncomfortable and like an outsider because of some of the choices I have made in my life.  My daily devotions have reflected my internal struggles and despite the word encouraging me to “rise above the junk stuff.”  I had spent a few days wallowing in the muck. 

              As I continued to run two scriptures came to memory:

Proverbs 27:17, NIV, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

Galatians 5:7, NIV ^“You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?”

It is funny how God speaks to us in terms that mean something to us.  I could definitely understand running.  In fact, since I can often be a slow learner, God drew a picture for me.

              Our interactions with other people can do one of two things—sharpen us or cut us off.  It depends on our perception of their actions and how we respond to the interaction.  I once heard a man in my church encourage a group of basketball players with these words:  competition is good, but a competitive spirit is not.

               Competition is good, iron sharpens iron.  What Stacie and I have is competition.  When she pulls alongside of me it makes me want to do better, to give more and to push beyond what I believe my limits to be.  After she passed me that day, I worked hard to keep her in my sight.  I ran faster and harder than I intended to run. 

                Mike and I recently bought a video game called Active 2 to play on our kids’ Xbox.  Yes, we play and they watch.  Actually it is a workout game.  The first day I took it out I did it by myself while my two boys critiqued my every move.  It was difficult to work out under such scrutiny.  The second day, Mike and I worked out side by side.  He went all out which forced me to do the same because I didn’t want to be what we call, “left in the dust.”  However, his extra effort did not pay off and he found himself with a stress fracture of his foot and could no longer work out with me.  During my third workout I found myself coasting, not working nearly as hard as I did with Mike beside me.

                  I love the words of 1 Corinthians 9:24, NIV, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.”  A person who competes in a race to win may not always win, but at least she can come away knowing that she gave it her all.  Competition can bring out the best in us, pushing us beyond what we are capable of on our own.

               Competitive spirit is not (good), who cut in on you?  The chief difference between competition and a competitive spirit is that competition makes you do better, while a competitive spirit hinders you.  When we are overcome by a competitive spirit, we have taken our eyes off of the competition and the prize and placed it on the competitor.  A competitive spirit is surrounded by feelings of envy, jealousy and comparison.  It gives rise to hurtful actions, a judgmental attitude and insecurity.

               In my social interactions I actually started to tell myself, “If that’s how it’s going to be then I’m not going to do it anymore.”  It definitely did not bring out the best in me.  In fact, I would venture to say that when I am struck by a competitive spirit it brings out my worst.  It is in those moments that I look least like the person God intended me to be. 

               When we are overcome by a competitive spirit, our guard goes up and we look for a way to cope.  For those more aggressive by nature, a competitive spirit can make us ugly and mean, filling our hearts with bitterness, hurt and unforgiveness.  For those who are passive, a competitive spirit will cause us to shy away from being who we were meant to be.  Doing so allows us to remove ourselves from the pressure of being in an uncomfortable situation.  It forces us to hide who we truly are and leaves us with regret.

                I don’t know about you, but every minute I have spent in bitterness, hurt and unforgiveness has been one minute too many.  I also have many regrets of moments passed in hiding and of feeling like I have missed opportunities because I held back instead of pushed forward.  It is time to rise above the muck.   It is time to stop focusing on the competitors and start focusing on bringing out the best in each other by giving our best in the race of life.  We need to start running like we mean it, running to attain the prize and along the way, “…let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”  Hebrews 10:24-25, NIV.

                 A mentor of mine encouraged me with this quote.  In turn I hope it will encourage you. 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous”? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”—Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love:  Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles.

I don’t mean to leave anyone out, but off the top of my head…

Thanks Stacie, for shining as a runner and encouraging me to keep running.

Thanks Dawn-L, for shining as a friend and making me want to be a better one.

Thanks Aunty Melba for being a warrior of the Word and making me want to be one too.

Thanks Aunty Susie for letting your creativity shine and giving me permission to release mine.

Thanks Lena, Carlen, Paulette and Chriss for being great sisters that are there in a pinch and make me want to return the favor.

And of course, thanks Mom for shining as a wife, mother, friend, sister, woman of God and everything else in between, so much so that I am encouraged to try even when it’s hard.

“Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.” 

Isaiah 60: 1, NIV

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One Sunday morning as I was reversing out of my driveway to go to church, something caught my eye. I parked my car and stepped out and noticed a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. What a beautiful thing to witness the transformation of one of God’s creatures. After that I welcomed the caterpillars, hoping that they would all stick around and make their cocoons on the branches. Within the week, the plant was covered with caterpillars of all sizes. Before long, the plant was getting really bare and I knew that it could not sustain that many caterpillars. Reluctantly, I began to pull caterpillars off of the leaves and relocate them to a nearby hedge. I moved about 25 caterpillars in a 2 day period, leaving six caterpillars of various sizes to feast and hopefully spin their cocoons and metamorphose when I was there to see it.

Walking around the back side of my house I was drawn to the lemon tree. Twice a year our faithful tree yields lemons the size of oranges. This year, Mike was so busy coaching soccer that the yard didn’t receive his full attention. The lemon tree is covered with fruit, but all the size of regular lemons. When I asked him why the fruits were smaller, he told me that when the tree flowers and fruits start to form, he usually removes some of the fruits to decrease the stress on the tree, allowing the fruit to grow bigger. At one point when we were faced with a drought, the leaves of the tree actually started to turn yellow and I thought we might lose it all together. Both the crown flower and the lemon tree have taught me a valuable lesson this year—to improve the quality, sometimes we have to reduce the quantity.

There have been many times in my life when I have stretched myself so thin that I have sacrificed the quality in my life and sadly, there have been times when my leaves began turning yellow and other times when I was merely stems and branches.

This year, there were many big projects and a lot of travel  for work, for my extended family, for the kids’ school and sports. As the year went on, I began to feel very weary. If you’re a woman, I am sure you will understand when I say that I felt like I was being pulled in so many different directions. Like the crown flower plant I could not sustain the number of caterpillars that wanted to eat off of my branches and like the lemon tree, the quality of my fruit was dwindling. When I am tired I become very irritable and short tempered. Slowly I began to see that if I continued on this path it would not be healthy for me or for my family. Just as reluctant as I was to pull off the caterpillars, I reluctantly started to whittle down my life, until all I had left was Mike, the boys, and work, even my web ministries and writing took a back seat to these essentials. My other caterpillars were simply going to have to find another source of food.

This is not a new concept. In fact, it dates back to biblical times when Jesus said, “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:2, NIV.

Every so often our lives require pruning. When pruning, it can be difficult to choose between one or the other, but if we fail to choose then we end up with small lemons. I had to ask myself, do I really want my children to be less than they can be? Do I really want my marriage to be mediocre and strained? Do I want to settle for many small fruits or a few prize products? As we enter into 2011, these are the questions that I urge you to ask yourself. As you prune some of the areas of your life, I almost sure that you will feel healthier, more vibrant and you will see an improvement in the quality of your remaining fruit.

 A few days after I removed the caterpillars from the crown flower, I spotted a cocoon. Ten days later, as we headed off to work and school the once green cocoon had turned black. When we returned home later in the day, a black and orange butterfly hung from what was left of the leaf as it dried its wings and prepared to fly away. We couldn’t sustain all of the caterpillars, but we made a huge difference for this one!

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.” John 15:16, NIV.

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     Guilty.  Disqualified.  Unworthy.   Those are the words that have echoed in my mind and heart over the last few months.   Those are the words that have made it difficult to write anything and even more difficult to publish.  Those are the words that have held me back from being who God has called me to be and doing all that He has called me to do.  Guilty of sin, disqualified from service, unworthy to represent God.

     I won’t go into great detail, but the last few months have been a battle with my children and there have been many times that anger and frustration have won out over love and encouragement.  A great inadequacy has risen to the surface—how can I encourage other women, other mother’s, when I feel like such a failure? 

     It has been a vicious cycle, the children act out, I scream and yell, I feel guilty for the words I have spoken, I ask God to help me be better, I’m okay for a few hours and then it starts all over again.  I have lived in a “jaw clenched, shoulders tense, blood boiling, ready to blow” state.  My frustration is not only with my children, but mostly with myself for being unable to overcome my flesh. 

     In the midst of all of this, there have been many opportunities to serve the Lord, opportunities with which I have struggled.   My battle manifests as procrastination, but really I have waited to the last possible moment to finish things because I felt so unworthy.  Why would God want me to write a blog for women, or ask me to write a poem about dreams, or find a way to accentuate my Dad’s most recent sermon, or choreograph a hula and far be it from Him to want me to actually dance it?  I can’t do this Lord, I’m not good enough.  Don’t you see how much I’ve failed?  I feel like such a hypocrite.  I cannot do all these things.  I cannot represent You the way You should be represented.  I’m sorry, I just can’t do it.

     And so the story goes, I waited.  I put off my blog until now (mid-December), I finished the poem two weeks before it was needed (that is another story), I found a song for the sermon and then I waited.  It was two weeks later that I received a call from my dear sister, Norma, who leads the dance ministry at our church.  She asked me if I had a vision for it, I told her bits and pieces of what I saw.  She asked me if I had already choreographed it, I said I had not.  Finally, she asked me if I would dance with them, my answer of course, “No!”  Our conversation continued and bits and pieces of it touched my heart enough to move me as through her words, Norma reminded me of who I am in Christ.  I agreed to come and help them since they had only two weeks to prepare, but I felt like I was in no condition to dance. 

     “Lord, two weeks is not a lot of time, but if you’re willing to give it to me, I’m willing to try.”  That night I sat with the song, listening to it over and over again.  My tears began to flow as God spoke the choreography to my guilty and unworthy heart.  I showed up to practice two days later only to find that one of our dancers had a conflict with the date and was unable to participate.  What are You doing Lord?  I decided not to worry about it and proceeded in sharing the choreography with the two dancers that were left, Norma and Jen.  By this time I know what God, (and Norma and Jen) are asking of me, but I am stubborn, ashamed, unworthy.

     Feeling caught between a rock and a hard place, I decided to strike up a conversation with my husband.  Surely he would help me justify not doing it.  Ha!  “It’s your turn, your time, just accept it and move on,” Mike said in a firm, but loving voice, and words that could have only come from God.  End of discussion.  I walked away sheepishly.  Okay Lord, I’ll do it, but you have to help with me with the kids.  I don’t want my failure to nullify you.

     For the next two weeks Norma, Jen and I worked at memorizing the motions and dancing as one.  Being shorter than the other two I reluctantly took my place in the middle.  In the past I would have been fine in this lead position, but distracted and burdened by this overwhelming feeling of unworthiness I found myself making many mistakes and constantly apologizing to my sisters.  Lord, how can I lead, I am not worth following.

     For the most part, my boys had been fairly cooperative and my heart had been on an even and steady keel, until Saturday evening –I was getting ready to leave my house when my younger son let out a blood-curdling scream.  I came running from the other room to find that he had somehow gotten a travel checker piece stuck up his nose.  A night in the emergency room flashed through my mind.  I immediately called my husband, a paramedic on duty in another district.  “What do I do?”  I asked.

     “See if you can take it out, if not you’ll have to take him to the hospital.”  He calmly replied.

     My hands were shaking.  I hung up and took my son into a well-lit area of the house.  I used a flashlight to assess the situation.  It was standing upright in his nostril.  I explained to him that he would have to be still because if he moved it could go further in.  Tweezers in one hand and flashlight in the other, I took a deep breath.  Lord, please guide my hands and help me do this.  Thankfully, it slid right out.  I got him some ice to stop the bleeding and then we headed out the door to visit my parents.

     On the way over I listened quietly as he recanted his story to his brother.  His slight exaggerations made me sound like a really great mom, “I could have died, but Mom saved me.  She saved me again.”  Again.  That is the word that qualifies me as his hero.  Active and impulsive by nature, he has needed a lot of saving.  On numerous occasions, I have saved him from getting lost in a crowd, getting hit by a car, falling from somewhere he shouldn’t have been, breaking the entire set of dishes and other near disasters.  It is no wonder that I am totally worn out.  He practically needs me to rescue him on a daily basis, but I do it because I love him.

     It is in that moment that I realized I need that too, again and again.  I need God to rescue me on a daily, even moment by moment basis.  The wonderful thing is that it comes as no surprise to God.  He knew that I would need to be saved from my sin and so he sent His son to die.  Jesus died not only for the sin that I committed before I came to know Him, but the sins that I continue to stumble over day after day.

     I wish I could say that my day ended with this revelation and everything went fine.  However, constant reminders and a broken ornament at Grandma’s sent me over the edge.  I was so close to making it to Sunday without losing it, but I totally and completely failed.  I went home, called my husband and told him that I could not follow through with the service and that I planned to show up in the morning and let my sisters know.  I felt that I had disqualified myself.  “It is the moments that no one sees,” I cried.  Mike simply encouraged me to stick it out and reminded me that we all have those moments.

     I woke up on Sunday morning and started my day with a quiet time before the Lord.  God, who knows all and sees all things, God, who is infinitely wise, took me to the words of the Apostle Paul.

 ¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. ²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature^[b] a slave to the law of sin.  Romans 7: 14-25, NIV

                I could completely relate.  I didn’t want to react and respond in this angry and frustrated way all the time, but it was the sin in me that kept on winning over the desire to do what was good and right.  Even Paul, who spread God’s word to many people, fell to sin on a regular basis.  Even Paul felt like he had failed.  I love verses 24 and 25, “What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”  Paul discovered that on his own he was a mess, guilty,  disqualified  unworthy, but because God sent Jesus to rescue him from his sins, he was forgiven, qualified, and made worthy.   Paul could still be used for His glory.  Lord, I feel like such a mess, but I will go and do what you ask of me because I am grateful for what you have done for me.

                Humbled and weary, I joined the team for pre-service.  Before our turn in the first service, I wanted to share my heart with my hula sisters; I felt that if I just confessed my sins before them and we prayed together, I could go forth with a heart that was right before God.   With all the things that needed to be done and all the bustling backstage that opportunity slipped away because I couldn’t bring myself to open up in front of so many others.  We were now a few minutes away from stage time, hair, make-up and flowers done and completely dressed in our costumes.   We gathered to pray Norma first, then Jen and finally me.  The only words that I could utter were a paraphrase of the words of the song we were about to share, found here in its entirety:

Lord, you know everything I’ve done, Every thought I’ve had, you know every one.

Lord, you know every time I fall, Yet still you come to my rescue when I call.

Lord you hear every idle word, Every thoughtless deed how it seems absurd

That Lord you give not what I am due, But mercy, you come to rescue.

Lord you care and you’ve become my friend, Amazing love whose boundaries know no end

Lord you show what a greater love can do, By being there for my rescue

Lord I give all I can give all of my heart, As long as I shall live

Lord, Oh Lord, I just want to thank you,, For coming, coming to my rescue.

It’s hard to tell you how I feel; it’s hard to tell you just how grateful I am

But I’m still gonna make it show, with every breath gonna let you know

I am accepting, but I can’t comprehend,

How I could be worth the cost when I was bound despised and lost

So, Lord I give all I can give all of my heart, As long as I shall live

Lord, Oh Lord, I just want to thank you, For coming, coming to my rescue.

(“Rescue”, Accapella, Keith Lancaster © 1990 Anthony K. Music)

     If I thought I was a mess before, I was now a disaster.  My nose was stuffed, my eyes were red and tears were running down my cheeks.  I had no strength of my own, but my heart was light.  I had finally placed the burden of my sin upon my Heavenly Father.  I was free and for the first time since this journey began I was ready and willing to do what God had asked me to do. 

     When I looked up, Norma and Jen, looked just like me.  We had each walked this same journey in the days leading up to this moment.  The enemy used different situations in each of our lives to speak the same words to us—guilty, disqualified and unworthy.  He hampered each of our attempts to confess to one another, but in God’s perfect time it all came to light.  We exchanged words of encouragement, cleaned ourselves up and on borrowed strength we took the stage.

     The song started, it was accapella, without the background music the sanctuary was so quiet that you could hear the dust falling.  It really didn’t matter.  In that moment, it was no longer Norma, Jen and I and 400 people, it was just me and Jesus—I was forgiven by His mercy, qualified by His sacrifice and made worthy by His blood.  He came to rescue me, yet again, simply because He loves me. 

     Even as I write this, the tears continue to flow as I think about the sacrifice that Jesus made for me.  If there is one thing I have learned this month, it is that I need a Savior, not just for my past, but for the present and the future as well.

     The latest …God has asked me to gather a bunch of mom’s to do a book group, the title of the book–“Loving our Kids on Purpose.”  Am I guilty? Disqualified? Unworthy?  By my standards, yes, in your eyes, maybe, but my God is infinitely wise, He sees all that I have done and knows all of my thoughts and so I resist the temptation to walk away or even argue.  Instead I am stepping out in faith and trusting that He has a plan.  Lord, I am completely Yours, I will give all that You ask and do all that You desire because I am truly grateful that You would find me worth the cost.  Thank You for coming to my rescue.  I love You, Lord!

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”  Ephesians 2: 4-5, NIV.

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”  Ezekiel 46:4, NIV

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                I have always loved this blessing.  I can remember humming the first two lines (they were the only ones I knew) to myself along the cross country trails as a high school runner.  Chalk it up to being young and naïve, but an easy road with the wind at my back sounded like a very good thing indeed.  Now, double the age I was back then, reality has set in.  The road is not always easy, and the wind comes from all directions, in varying intensity and at unexpected times.  No, I am not only speaking of the physical winds that blow each day, but the winds of life.  I have come to learn that I have had many experiences with wind, but I am not experienced in wind.  There is a difference.  To experience wind is to feel it, to be blown by it.  To be experienced in wind is to know what to do with it to get you to your destination.  Growing up the daughter of a commercial fisherman, you would think I would know a little about navigating a water craft under windy conditions, but I simply had no desire to learn at the time.  Recently, God has used the wind as a metaphor for life, impressing valued lessons upon my heart.

                Earlier this month, the volcanic haze, also known as “vog,” had collected over our town, indicating that there was absolutely no wind.  Everything stood perfectly still.  My husband, Mike, and I had arranged our schedules to enjoy a stand up paddle venture together.  For those unfamiliar with the sport, stand up paddle is a cross between canoe paddling and surfing.  Equipped with a paddle and a very long surfboard, you stand and paddle yourself wherever you want to go.  Typically we’ll take our boards out in the bay where we live, circle the little islet and head back to the pier.  It was supposed to be an easy one considering there was no wind to oppose us and the water was flat like glass.  No sooner did we get onto the water when the trade winds returned with a vengeance.  Our easy paddle became quite the adventure as the wind hit the surface of the water creating “choppy” conditions.  I did not realize its full force until I turned the corner and was no longer protected by the land and trees.  I paddled with all my strength and felt like I was only moving a few inches at a time.  As we made our way to the windward side of the islet, the water became really rough and the force of the wind kept blowing us toward land.  It took all my strength and creative angling of my board to compensate for the wind and keep from being pushed to the islet.  I debated whether or not to drop to my knees and paddle to decrease the resistance of the wind, but since Mike had not done so I chose to press on.  It took about three times as long as usual, but it was at least that much more fun!  Once we rounded the leeward side of the island, we were able to catch the surface waves back to the pier without much effort.

                About a week later, I had the awesome opportunity to go on an excursion with my son on which we sailed double-hulled canoes, smaller versions of the magnificent watercrafts used by ancient Polynesians to sail across the Pacific.  On our little journey in the bay, our Kumu (Hawaiian for teacher),Rod,  posed questions to the children:  “Which way is the wind coming from?  How can we tell?  If I let down my sail, which way will the canoe travel?”  The six 4^th grade students in our group came up with all kinds of answers, but for the most part our group of novice sailors agreed that the wind which was blowing toward land would be caught in the sail and we would be pushed toward land.  I humbly admit that I was with them on this, yet to my amazement when the sail was let down, the canoe did the opposite, travelling away from the land and somewhat into the wind. The wind blew us off course at times, but with minute movements of his paddle, our steersman, Eli, was able to direct our boat in the direction we wanted to go.  When we were ready to turn around, Kumu Rod, made a big adjustment to our sail and the wind caught us, turned us around and set us off toward land. “How does that work?”  I later asked my husband.  He went into a brilliant explanation on pressure and vacuums.  It made sense at the moment, but don’t ask me to explain it back. 

                One of the things I learned on the excursion that was later reinforced as I began to research this topic was that we can learn a lot about the wind by studying it from shore.  An expert water man doesn’t simply put out his sails and use them to figure out where the wind is coming from.  An expert water man will actually spend time studying, watching and feeling the wind before he even sets foot on his vessel.  My Dad did this for years, ancient Polynesians did this and now the teachers are passing this along to the children.  Thus I embarked on my own study of the wind, a Biblical study, reading, feeling, picturing in my mind and trying to understand how the wind impacts me.  What I found is that the Apostle Paul had many experiences with wind on his journey as a prisoner from Caeserea to Rome.  You can read it in detail in Acts 27:1-28:31.  What follows are a few gems I gained from my study:

1)      When the winds are difficult, sail in the lee.  In Acts 27, verses 4 and 7 say, “⁴From there we put out to sea again and passed to the lee of Cyprus because the winds were against us. ⁷We made slow headway for many days and had difficulty arriving off Cnidus.  When the wind did not allow us to hold our course, we sailed to the lee of Crete, opposite Salmone.” NIV.  Whenever they encountered difficult conditions, they steered the boat to sail in the lee or protected side of the island.  The sheltered side of the island protects us from the full force of the wind.  I experienced this on my paddleboard.  When I left the protection of the island, I had to paddle harder to combat the effects of the wind.  When I rounded the islet, and was in its lee, the paddle became much easier.

In other Bible versions, the lee of the island is referred to as the shelter of the island.  In Psalm 61:3, the Psalmist refers to God as a shelter—“For You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy.  NKJV.”  When difficulties arise, God offers us shelter.  We need only to choose to sail in His lee.

2)       Although we prefer favorable winds, God can use “contrary” winds to teach us things.    “¹³ When the south wind blew softly, supposing that they had obtained their desire, putting out to sea, they sailed close by Crete. ¹⁴ But not long after, a tempestuous head wind arose, called Euroclydon (the Northeaster).¹⁵ So when the ship was caught, and could not head into the wind, we let her drive.” Acts 27:13-15, NKJV.  Sometimes, the wind we think we want is not the wind we really need.  A contrary wind can force us to make changes to the way we do things. 

Paul and company responded to the change in winds by bringing in their life boat, surrounding the ship with ropes for added support, and lightening the load by throwing out the cargo.  By changing the winds in the middle of our paddle boarding venture, God taught me how to compensate for the wind by angling the nose of my board into it and digging my paddle into the water on the opposite side.  I believe that experiencing the wind in this way made me physically stronger, improved my balance and made me a better stand up paddler.

A while back I was enjoying an afternoon jog along the shoreline.  The wind was blowing in forcefully from the ocean toward the mountain.  With my right side facing the ocean, I ran along without much trouble, but when I turned around and headed back it started to blow me inland.  The wind had exposed my weakness.  I am a right side dominant runner.  I am strong on that side and can hold a steady course even when a force is applied.  However, when I turned my left shoulder toward the shore, I had to make adjustments just like Paul and his crew.  The contrary winds showed me what I needed to work on.

3)       When the winds blow us on a different course, we should look for opportunities to do God’s work.  Paul’s crew had not planned to go on such a roundabout journey.  However, because of the winds they stopped in Sidon, Myra, Cnidus, Fair Havens, Malta, Syracuse, Rhegium, Puteoli and finally arrived in Rome.  At each port along the way, Paul had the opportunity to witness and minister to the people, bringing God’s word and miraculous healing to those he met, including the Father of Publius, the governing official of Malta.

Paul also had a captive audience on the boat, as conditions worsened and food became scarce, the men he travelled with were now witness to God’s awesome power.  Paul seized the opportunities to share what God had spoken to him.  The first time, in Acts 27:10-11, they failed to heed Paul’s advice not to sail until the weather changed.  The second time, in verses 21-44, they heeded his advice and everyone, 276 in all, reached shore safely on pieces of their demolished vessel.  In the midst of that shipwreck, Paul was able to encourage the men, testify to them of what he had seen, and break bread with them, giving thanks to God.  God turned a storm into an opportunity.

After all of this studying, I still pray and ask God for favorable winds, but when the winds change or come hard against me, I am more apt to look for the lee, the lesson and the opportunity.  Like Eli, our double-hulled canoe steersman, I have learned to make minute adjustments with my paddle to use whatever wind God gives me to still reach my destination.  Ironically, the caption under my picture during my senior year of high school reads, “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. ”—Anonymous.   When the winds don’t cooperate it may take me longer to get there, but with God the journey is just as important.  I still love the opening blessing, and although conditions will not always be favorable, the last line is guaranteed—God is in control and He will hold you in the hollow of His hand.

“The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this?  Even the winds and waves obey Him!” Matthew 8:27, NIV

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     Secretly, I admired her.  While the rest of us worked our legs, she was getting a total body workout simply because she didn’t care what we thought of her.  She was confident enough to do whatever she wanted to do without trying to please the crowd.

     Earlier today my son threw a fit in the parking lot.  I’ve never had a problem with my children throwing temper tantrums until just recently.  It seems that lately this particular child throws one every week.  I’m ashamed to admit that my first thought was of how he was embarassing me.  Now hours later, I am still thinking about the tantrum he threw and what people thought about the way I handled or mishandled it and the things he said to me.  I put too much weight and importance on what others think, especially of my less than perfect children and less than perfect parenting.

     One thing I do know, I am not alone.  I’ve watched many moms in the same place I was standing in today.  I’ve also counseled many friends who have been overly concerned about what people think of their children, their home, their clothes, their marriage, their job or some other less than stellar situation that they are facing.  I’ve always advised them to ask themselves, “What does God think?” and stand on that.  It should be the only thing that matters anyhow.  Hmmm…maybe I should take my own advice.

    I was a little shocked at what God placed on my heart when I began to search the scriptures.  The conclusion that presses upon me is that placing too much importance on what others think is the way of the Pharisee.  I have failed to heed the advice that Jesus gaves his disciples in Matthew 16:6,“Be careful,” Jesus said to them. “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.  (NIV)”  Consider the following verses:

Matthew 23: 5-6, NIV, “⁵“Everything they (Pharisees) do is done for men to see: They make their phylacteries^[a] wide and the tassels on their garments long; ⁶they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues;”

Mark 2:18, NIV, “¹⁸Now John’s disciples and the Pharisees were fasting. Some people came and asked Jesus, “How is it that John’s disciples and the disciples of the Pharisees are fasting, but yours are not?”

Mark 7: 1-5, NIV, “¹The Pharisees and some of the teachers of the law who had come from Jerusalem gathered around Jesus and ²saw some of his disciples eating food with hands that were “unclean,” that is, unwashed. ³(The Pharisees and all the Jews do not eat unless they give their hands a ceremonial washing, holding to the tradition of the elders. ⁴When they come from the marketplace they do not eat unless they wash. And they observe many other traditions, such as the washing of cups, pitchers and kettles.^[a])  ⁵So the Pharisees and teachers of the law asked Jesus, “Why don’t your disciples live according to the tradition of the elders instead of eating their food with ‘unclean’ hands?”

Luke 5:29, NIV, “ ²⁹Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. ³⁰But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

Luke 7: 36-39, NIV ³⁶Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. ³⁷When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, ³⁸and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.  ³⁹When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

     Do you hear the heart of the Pharisee?  How could Jesus sit with sinners, fail to fast, eat with unclean hands, allow himself to be touched by someone so “dirty?”  They would never do those things.  Appearances were important, so in the public eye they followed the law to the T and kept themselves separated from those who did not.  In Matthew 23: 27, Jesus refers to them as “white-washed tombs,”  looking great on the outside, but all a mess on the inside.  It is no wonder that they set their sights on persecuting Jesus and bringing Him to trial.  Imagine the shame and fear they must have felt when Jesus exposed them for what they really were.  Sadly, that is the same shame I felt in the parking lot.  Yet, that shame somehow eluded the Zumba Park Walker.

   In contrast to the Pharisees was the woman with the alabaster jar, mentioned above in Luke 7: 36-39.  Changed, forgiven and healed, she went to Jesus.  She didn’t care who was looking,  nor did she care what people thought.  She simply came to give a gift from her heart.  There was nothing ritualistic about it, she was not concerned with looking good in front of others.  She knew she didn’t have it all together.  In that moment it was just her and Jesus, and she did what her heart moved her to do.

     Now imagine for a moment if this woman stopped in the doorway and said, “I can’t do this, too many people are watching.  What will they think?”   Imagine if she turned around and didn’t follow through.  A beautiful moment would have been missed.  Thankfully, she was above letting the opinion of others dictate her life.  In fact, Jesus said of her, “I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her, Mark 14:9, NIV.”

    I wonder how many beautiful moments I have missed because I was too caught up in what people would think.  The bondage is stifling.  I long to walk with the freedom I observe in the woman with the alabaster jar and the Zumba Park Walker.  Today I get to return to the parking lot.  This way of living is so foreign to me that I find myself having to take captive every shameful and fearful thought.  At least its a start.

 Lord, help me to walk in freedom from what others think.   May their thoughts have no power over me.  Teach me to hear your voice and to know and meditate on what you think because that is what is truly important.  Thank you that my worth comes from You.  AMEN!

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  Jeremiah 29:11, NKJV

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